1. OWN IT!!! Take responsibility for you--your actions, your feelings and your behavior. If for example, you give your spouse the message that you are unhappy about something and then he or she asks you,”Is anything wrong?” Say yes. Owning your “stuff” makes relationships flow more smoothly.

2. Willingness! All you can really ask of your partner is that he or she is “willing” to work on the relationship with you. Once you have both people in the relationship open and willing, growth and change can occur. If one person in the relationship is not willing to work on it, it is much more challenging to improve the state of the relationship. (Not impossible, but challenging.)

3. “The more you know, the more you grow.” This is true of many things about relationships. The more you know about relationships, the more you can grow together as a couple. The more you know about how you feel about yourself and your mate, the easier it is to understand each other and flow together as a couple.

Week One: So now that you have the three keys to successful relationships, what do you do with them? As you go through the day, just watch yourself. Pretend you are watching a movie and you are the actor. Watch without judgment. Notice if you find yourself getting defensive or reactive with your partner. After you have watched yourself for a whole week without criticism then you may be ready to move forward.

Week Two: The next step is to stretch yourself. Do the uncomfortable. If typically you would change the subject when your spouse brings up an area of conflict, stay with it. Do one thing different. Watch the changes occur from there. Do this for at least a week to be able to fully appreciate how different your relationship can be.

Week Three: Week three can be an opportunity for you to open up. This does not mean you have to become totally vulnerable and tell your partner all your deep, dark secrets. Instead, it means to open your mind where it might have been closed. Think in terms of possibility. Is it possible that the way you used to do things wasn’t the most effective way to get what you want? Is it possible that handling your relationship from a new perspective could open up a new door?

Week Four: Now for the end of the month. The last week in this one month program to a new you in your relationship is for you to acquire relationship education. Simply by reading this article you are already on your way. But now it is time to take it a step further. Go to the library or local book store and stand in the self-help or relationship section. Look for books that jump off the shelf and shout your name. If you are standing there and you don’t feel like anything is jumping at you, pick up any one of Dr. Phil’s books. Relationship Rescue or Self Matters are good ones to start. Lastly, take yourself to the local video store and rent “The Story of Us” with Michele Pfeiffer and Bruce Willis. (Make sure you have a box of tissues handy.)