Here in this new millennium we hear alot about "self-esteem". What exactly is it? Is it really okay to have or are we self-centered? How do we get it? How do we maintain it? These are some of the questions this article will look at and explore.

I know a woman who often speaks like this: " I would call him if I felt better about myself." "I will apply for that job when I gain more confidence." "When I am in a better place emotionally, I will join that gym." My response to all of these comments is : "For how long would you like to put your life on hold?"

Of course, when we feel good about ourselves it is much easier to put ourselves out there in life. However, the way to feel good about ourselves is to do exactly that-put ourselves out there. The self-esteem comes from taking the risks. It is similar to saying "I will get in the pool when I know how to swim." How are you going to learn how to swim without taking a risk and getting in there? At some point we need to just jump in (or at least sit on the side with our feet in the water for a while.)

So then what is the difference between genuine self-esteem and being self-centered? Genuine self-esteem is having a sense as to who you are, your strengths, your limitations, you see yourself and you truly like yourself. Being self-centered is very different and these can often be confused. Self-centered people only focus on themselves, having little or no empathy for others and having a grandiose sense of themselves. Too often we are taught as children that if we like ourselves (especially young girls), then we are "conceited". Therefore, giving them the message that the only other option is to dislike yourself or put yourself down. If you are healthy enough to like yourself, there is a social taboo that says then at least don't show your peers. Then we become adults who are unsure as to whether or not it is okay to feel good about yourself. Here then is some clarification-HOT NEWS FLASH!!!!!!!-IT IS GOOD TO FEEL GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF!!!!!!!!!!!( but not too good!!!!)

Think now about something that you have been wanting to do but haven't done due to lack of self-esteem. After you've read this, close your eyes and imagine yourself actually doing it. Imagine the feeling you will have after you have completed this. Do this exercise every day until you complete this, focusing as much energy as possible on how your self-esteem will be so much stronger as a result. Your self-esteem will thank you.

Written by Stacey Rose, LCSW