When you hear the word divorce, what do you think? Many people get some type of negative thought or feeling; possibly sadness or anger. I would like to redefine the word DIVORCE for you. While divorce is an ending, often similar to a death, it is also a beginning.
Think about the letters in the word divorce. D is for Daily. I is for Introspection. V is for Void. O is for of. R is for Resentment. C is for Combined. Last, E is for Empathy.
In other words, the process of divorce can go a lot more smoothly if you engage in daily introspection; possibly meditation, exercise, or prayer. Next, I encourage you to focus on VOID OF RESENTMENT… In other words, let go of any resentment you may be holding onto. Resentment does not hurt anyone but yourself. Letting go of it or forgiving your ex or soon to be ex-spouse does not mean you are condoning any of their behavior. Instead, you are giving yourself permission to begin healing. Last, I invite you to combine this approach with empathy. Some of you may be rolling your eyes at this point, however, when you see your spouse/soon-to- be-ex- spouse with compassion and empathy, it is easier to have a more civil relationship.
If you can’t do this for yourself, please do it for your children, (assuming you have kids). If you have a picture of your ex from when they were a child, look at it often, especially when you are angry with him/her. Remind yourself that we all came into this world innocently. The experiences we had in childhood, where many people did not learn about what a healthy marriage looks like, have a profound impact on how we view marriage as adults. Most people do not take a course in how to have a healthy marriage, or a healthy divorce for that matter. Find compassion for your ex, your kids, and yourself.
As with all pain, there are gifts. Even if we can’t possibly fathom how something positive can manifest from a divorce, trust me… it can happen. There are hidden lessons and opportunities for growth both during the divorce process and in its aftermath. Don’t miss out on these opportunities for your growth.