What is the most important part of your relationship? You may say that it is laughter, friendship or emotional support; and while these factors are significant, without one key factor, no relationship can work. What is that key factor? TRUST!
When trust doesn’t exist in a relationship, it often leaves two people feeling disconnected and suspicious of each other. In light of the recent news about the “Ashley Madison” web site disclosing the names of their members, it makes one think…While we may recognize this is just another business looking to make money, at the same time, it is a web site that encourages infidelity. This is not what the state of marriage needs. Instead, we need stories or web sites that encourage trust and fidelity. And yet, millions of people, men and women, were subscribed to this site. What does that say about marriage? Maybe, it says that when people don’t feel fulfilled in their marriage, they don’t have the courage to speak their mind to their spouse. Or maybe they feel that when they have tried to tell their spouse about their frustrations, it falls on ‘deaf ears’. In other words, when hope is lost, people make choices they may later regret.
Of course there are those who choose to go outside their marriage and have no regrets. As a therapist who specializes in helping people save their marriage, I see all types of infidelity; emotional affairs, long term affairs with one other person; long term affairs with multiple partners, and betrayals due to sexual addictions. There are numerous reasons that people choose to betray their spouse; none of which condone betrayal, but it is important to understand why the betrayal happened. Equally important is developing an understanding about how to avoid it from happening again.
If there hasn’t been any betrayal in your relationship, congratulate yourself and your partner. There are many temptations in life and you both have chosen not to indulge. Your relationship will benefit greatly! If, on the other hand, you or your partner has gone outside the relationship, there is still hope! Sometimes, betrayal can be a chance at re-defining your relationship and a new beginning! At the very least, let any betrayal you are experiencing be a wake-up call…time to do things differently.
If you need any guidance on healing from betrayal, feel free to reach out. You don’t have to go through this alone.