People ask me all the time what are some of the basics to having a successful marriage. Here they are:
- Imagine that everyday could possibly be the last day with your spouse. Would you treat him/her differently?
- If you have children, get a reliable babysitter that comes to stay with them once a week so you and your spouse can go out on a date. (It doesn’t have to be costly, get creative…picnic in a park, walk on the beach, go out to garage sales – the date can be any time of the day/night).
- Remember your spouse was once a child. Try to see your spouse as an innocent child who may have grown up in less than perfect circumstances.
- Laugh together. Find a funny movie to watch, see a comedy show or tell each other jokes.
- Let each other know what you appreciate about each other, every day.
- Talk with your spouse about how and when you met. Tell others the story. Watch each other smile as you tell it.
- Respect each other, even when angry. Do not use your partner’s most vulnerable issues against him/her. Don’t hit “below the belt”.
- Make love. Often. Even if you don’t feel it or are too ‘tired’. Sex is a critical part of a marriage.
- Take care of yourself, emotionally, spiritually , and physically. By taking care of yourself, you take care of you marriage. (Individual therapy, recover from your addictions, lose weight, deal with your issues).
- Speak from your heart, not defensively. Communicate your feelings, thoughts and requests to your partner and how s/he choose to respond is up to him/her.
If you apply some or all of these to your marriage, you will have a successful and happier relationship.