When was the last time you had a ‘heart to heart’ conversation with your spouse? How am I doing as a spouse/partner? What areas am I really meeting your needs and what areas could I improve? Too oftentimes we are quick to let our partners know what they are doing ‘wrong’ but have a harder time looking at ourselves and how we can improve. I recommend that couples sit down monthly (just like you may with your finances) and do a ‘relationship check-in’. While this takes courage, it can be profoundly helpful…if you and your partner are open to growing and evolving. If so, read on..
Bring your calmest, most honest, respectful attitudes. Make a conscious effort not to get defensive! Just because your partner has wants, needs or requests does not mean your relationship is over; instead, this is an opportunity to make each other happier and more fulfilled. Sit down when you both have at least 30 minutes free of distractions.
Use the following questions/prompts to help get started:
Tell me something I do that makes you happy.
What are some qualities I bring to our relationship that you appreciate?
How do I help you to be a better version of yourself?
How can I be a better partner to you?
What would you like me to do less of? And why?
What would you like me to do more of? And why?
Where do you want our relationship to be a year from now and how can I help to get us there?
Thank your partner for their honesty! Once they have shared their responses with you, be as honest, kind, and loving with them too when you are in the role of answering the questions.
Remember without having open vulnerable dialogs, we cannot grow. But in order for that to happen, there needs to be mutual respect and kindness. If the conversation doesn’t go as well as you hope for, feel free to reach out for assistance. Heart-to-heart conversations are exactly that-having both your hearts connect.